Friday, October 19, 2012

Signs of FALL

Most people can tell FALL is here by the crispness in the air.  The beauty of the leaves and the sunset on the harvesting corn.   Yes, I too can sense that fall is here because of these things...but I really know it is here when my girls get all MANIC.  Like clock work...October 1st hits and is on.  My gals always disobey and defy, but during the fall and winter months they bless me with an "extra dose". 

It may be 29 degrees and they refuse to got to the bathroom, wear their coats AND shoes(don't worry, they put coats hats and mittens on when it is 90 degrees..hhhaaa~true story!)..they will shiver and scream "I am cold but I WILL NOT PUT MY COAT ON".   And my answer to them..."well, my way would keep you warm, safe and healthy...but YOUR way makes you shiver, cold and sick...big bummer!!!" 

All the brain is have taught them what they need to do...but they have to choose..."THEY" HAVE TO CHOOSE!

I think about how crazy their actions are sometimes...not making any since at all...(wearing the same clothes for days at a time, refusing to eat and sleep for days) then I am my own selfish ways must appear the same to my Lord and Savior...MY FATHER...resisting every thing he places on the path for me to do things the right way...I am sure he gets so frustrated with me saying...child...haven't I taught you what to do...but you keep defying me...over and over...then comes his loving hand and his GRACE...he floods me with it...I mess up daily, yet he loves me with out conditions...because that is what a good DADDY does. 

So when it all comes down to is total a HEART issue.(AKA for my girls AND myself)

So may verses have given me strength this week, but I will share a few:

Psalm 3:3
But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
To the LORD i cry aloud, and he answers me fro his holy hill

Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

A new type of  TOOTH FAIRY

My oldest chica that struggles has had many issues over the time we have gotten her...her newest thing is trying to pull her teeth out...yes, you read that right...I couldn't make it up even if I tried...but before I tell you this amazing story, I would like you to know that yes, my girls are both being seen by mental health professionals, yes many.  So now worries on if I am getting them the help they need, I am. 

The tooth fairy, (visual picture)  beautiful, graceful, glittery little fairy who swoops in gently to deposit said items(money or gift and letter) without disturbing the sleeping child.  

We get excited around here for her to some...almost as much at Santa Clause. 

Two months ago....

So I was hoping once my oldest chica was ready for a her tooth to fall out...we would or could have a moment of normalcy and have a real special memory.  But this would not be so(yes, I am so very sad about her missing yet once again a normal childhood memory to the evilness of this crazy stuff).

She had recently had surgery to save her tooth(because she had created an huge growth from trying to pull her teeth ou,and the growth was pushing her teeth out and we were hoping to save it for a little while longer).  We thought it was a little loose still but I was watching her like a hawk so she would not mess with it.

One afternoon I went to take a quick shower to come back to her mouth with one less tooth.  I asked her if she was ok and were her tooth was.  She gave me the face...the blank stair(insert cricket sounds).   I ask three more times...the other kids are starting to come the tooth fairy gets to come...that is awesome...but still now answer. 
Many stories were told...that I had told her to pull her tooth out, that she swallowed it, that I had told her to throw it in the trash..on and on and on. 

Finally 2 hours later DAD was home and AAHHHHHHHH( high note angelic singing) she could speak again and told him she through down a register in the floor.  Wait for it....because I told her to...yep!

Just breaks my heart that she can't have one normal childhood interaction or memory...I often wonder what story/version she will remember of that new type of tooth fairy when she looks back...

I may write about today's crazy later...still trying to heal from todays was a day...but the verse that helped me today was from:

1 Samuel 12:16 
Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes!

Only with HIS strength and a big fountain pop did I get through this day...HE IS SO GOOD.

Monday, September 10, 2012

GOD has lead me to and through many journeys: fertility issues, two losses, more fertility issues and now...Adopting two children through foster care that suffer daily(sometimes minute by minute). Some of the diagnosis to date include: PTSD, RAD,ODD, OCD, fetal alcholol syndrome, depression, self harming to name a few(yes that was blogging sarcasm-hhhaaaaa)

  I started "this" blog(I have another one called Bring it to HIM-about grief and loss) but this one is all about the crazy life of mental health issues with my girls. As a way for me to chart and express our journey with two steps forward three steps back life. I will share our "life" that for most will think is clinically insane...but for others of you will say...THAT IS SO OUR life...well friends THIS blog is for you don't feel alone and isolated from the world outside of this life of struggles. I will also share how I get through everyday...with the mercy, love and grace of my LORD and savior...with HIM ALL things are possible. And that with HIM you will find Glory even HERE(see get it????)

So here begins a day in the life of ME: SO it husband leaves and click goes the lock on our door...and it is "ON" Once I hear him lock the youngest chica begins to scream, not just scream, but know, the kind that happens when a child slams their hand in a car door or falls down steps. So I go into her room...nope she is ok...she stops and looks dead in my eyes and says in her evil voice "I am going to scream for you all day eby(every) day and poop and pee for YOU". My brain wants to say...big surprise, really like you have for the last 8 mns...but grace flows over me and I is toooo will miss out on playing and will have to clean yourself up...bummer!!! Then begins the screaming again..but before I leave the room...oh what is that smell yep...she made good on her promise to poop in her pants...oh, my and I have only been up 10 minutes. So she gets herself cleaned up and dressed 45 minutes later. Now breakfast..but she refuses to eat and after 25 minutes breakfast is over...NOW she screams because she wants to eat breakfast NOW...

Oh GOD restore my soul and strength to get through big how about THIS HOUR...oh and he hears my cry and provides. HE IS SO GOOD!!! Stay tuned...I have many more stories...that was just a morning in the life of one child with special needs...and I have TWO...hhhaaaa... If this is your life people...stay strong... pray hard and love your kiddos even when they don't, won't and can't love you YET!!!